MobileTechReview Forum, News and Reviews: Smartphone with: image/video/audio capture and 480x640 screen

Hello everybody, i hope all of you are having a nice christmas with lots of candies and gadgets :-)
Now for my question...
(I'm starting to suspect that what i'm looking for doesn't exist, but anyway...)

Smartphone that has:
- great image capture (>= 800x600, "without" noise)
- great video capture (> 20fps, memory space being the only limit for recording time)
- great audio capture (use it as a recorder)
- big screen size (> 2", 480x640) to read pdf and html files, read manga, view anime
- toggle between landscape/portrait
- allow some kind of expansion slot (eg, adding a SD card of 1GB)
- gravity tolerance (must survive falling in the floor and getting sprinkled by water a couple of times :-)
- bluetooth
- PIM synchronization (ideally it would support it in linux using kontact or evolution :-)

Now, for the bonus attributes:
- japanese language (OCR) support (i want to write in japanese in my free time)
- run my own applications (e.g., a java program that encrypts my documents and shreds the original files)
- run nes, snes emulators (the mobile must support multiple key press... eg: for super mario run+jump at the same time)
- mp3 player (use it like an ipod)
- voice recognition
- wifi
- usb

I really don't care about:
- GPS
- GPRS (i don't see any advantage in this)

I think that's about it...

The only gadget i saw that (seem to) fit on my requirements is the HTC/Qtek 9000... But it costs 850 euros *yaikes*
What bothers me the most is that in 1 year it will cost about half the price...
It's just too bad the Zaurus doesn't has any image/video capture :-(

Thanks for your help.