"Thank you for coming here for this historic announcement," said Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer, speaking at a press conference earlier today. "Many of you probably remember Microsoft Bingistan, our first attempt to create a country of our own. We learned a lot from that venture, and I would first like to thank the citizens for their bravery by announcing a new, expedited process for their families to receive their settlement checks."
Ballmer continued, "Even though Bingistan didn't work out, the country space remains a top priority for Microsoft, which is why I'm happy to report that, effective immediately, Microsoft has purchased the Republic of France."
"We at Microsoft love French culture and language, which is why we will be providing you all with free schooling to aid you in your transition to your new national language, C#. As I assume the presidency, Nicolas Sarkozy will remain as the head of the new Military Zune Enforcement Division, and together we pledge to bring improvements to each and every French citizen, from the bustling metropolis here in Microsoft Paris, to the shores of the Silverlight river. From converting your national treasury from Euros to XBox Live points, to upgrading your law enforcement with iPod-sniffing dogs, you're going to love living in Microsoft France."
He concluded by asking attendees to join him in singing the new national anthem, "Le Windeauxs 7."
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