As tech professionals, we need many devices to get us through our busy day.
We need a phone to keep in touch with our colleagues.
Who doesn't need an iPod?
We need cars to get us to our destinations.
These are not three separate devices.
The wait is over. Today, Apple introduces the iCar.
The iCar will revolutionize the way you think about transportation. Compact and efficient, the iCar is fully electric and can be recharged using your existing Lightning cables. The iCar integrates with iTunes and syncs your music library. It's also a full-fledged phone with all the features you've come to expect from Apple. This is the first car that won't just get you to your destination - it will let you enjoy the ride.
So how will you interact with the iCar?
When we looked at existing cars, we felt like we were traveling back in time by 50 years. Steering wheels are practically unchanged from the very first automobiles. We decided it's time to completely rethink how you and your car communicate - and we realized that the perfect solution was already right in front of us.
Who needs a steering wheel, when you've got a Siri Wheel?
By now, everybody knows and loves Siri. Well now, she knows how to drive. Siri understands a wide variety of driving commands that leave you free to focus on something else. For example, you can give her simple directions:
Or, if you're not quite sure where you want to go, just let Siri figure it out:
As always, Siri can help with other kinds of questions too, ranging from movie purchases to general knowledge and sports questions.
The iCar will be available in capacities ranging from 32 GB to 128 GB. (One megabyte = one million bytes; the average passenger takes approximately 7 GB.)
There's an App For That
Of course, It wouldn't be an iCar if it didn't have apps. Many of your favorite developers are already on board, and the following apps are currently in development:
Plants vs Zambonis
Listen to music with Vandora
Really Really Real Racing (use at your own risk)
Keep up to date with social networking with LinkedIn Continental
Om-Nom returns in Cut the Brakes
Everybody's favorite gem matcher, Befueled
...and of course, the classic game Angry Fords.
Start Your Engines
The iCar is the best car ever made. It will make all other motor vehicles obsolete. Buying one is the only way you can maintain your social status as a respectable human being.